Helping to produce smoothly flowing, idiomatic English

Nature of edit  Not to rewrite, but to ensure that the message comes over online in clear and straightforward English for people whose first language might not be English and will read smoothly and naturally for native English speakers

Type of copy  Support information for re-marketers

Before

In order to further support our seasonal business, we present - as a surprise introduction - the Cornish Pixie in the exclusive colour tone Silver Shield for the 4th Launch 2010. We will physically present this piece at the London Group Presentation in September 2010.

After

As additional support for our seasonal business, we present a surprise introduction for our fourth launch of 2010 – the Cornish Pixie, in the exclusive Silver Shield colour tone. We will unveil this piece at the London Group Presentation in September 2010.

Problem and solution

This paragraph from an author who isn't a native English speaker is perfectly intelligible, but most English readers would find it awkwardly phrased and with some problems of word order.

The client's brief was to make the text flow naturally for both English-speaking and international readers, without doing any substantial rewriting. This was simply achieved by reordering a few words, incorporating the parenthetical 'as a surprise introduction' into the main sentence flow, replacing '4th' by a proper word and replacing the clumsy 'physically present' by a simpler and more evocative word.