Simplifying a congested paragraph into clearer and better-flowing English

Nature of edit  Not to rewrite, but to ensure that the message comes over online in clear and straightforward English for people whose first language might not be English and will read smoothly and naturally for native English speakers

Type of copy  Support information for re-marketers

Before

We regret to inform you that due to unexpected production capacity shortages and the required exclusive level of artistic craftsmanship to meet consumer expectations, we will continue to experience limited ex-works availability of [certain items] for the next 6 - 9 months. Consequently we highly recommend to proactively inform consumers about this fact. In cases where your consumers have already placed deposits on these items, we kindly ask you to directly contact Jane Doe and inform her about the respective order number(s). Jane Doe will then prioritise shipments for these orders and will inform you on the expected delivery timing. Please note that it will nevertheless take several weeks in order to deliver even the prioritised orders due to the ongoing very high backlog situation and the relatively low number of pieces available per month.

After

We regret to inform you that production capacity is lower than expected and skilled artistic craftsmanship is in short supply. So availability of [certain items] will continue to be limited for the next six to nine months. We recommend that you inform customers proactively about this shortage.

If any of your customers have already placed deposits on these items, please advise Jane Doe of the respective order number(s). Jane will then prioritise shipments for these orders and inform you about expected delivery.

Please note that it will nevertheless take several weeks to deliver even the prioritised orders. This is because of the existing large backlog and the relatively low number of pieces available per month.

Problem and solution

The non-native-English author's language was rather stilted and verbose, using noun phrases where verb phrases would read more smoothly, and vice versa. There was also a tendency to use adverbs that didn't add anything and that made the text denser (consequently, highly, kindly, very). The congested feeling was compounded by the whole text being put into a single paragraph.

The editor's aim was to get the text to speak directly to readers in a relaxed but direct way, with clear signposts.